I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
