ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
