I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Im part way to drunk.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
