Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
