I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
