I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
