somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Welp...herpes.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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