its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
