Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
