I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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