im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
