Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
