I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
