Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
