she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm always down for nudity.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
