I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
