Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
