margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Quick, to the slutcave!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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