Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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