he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
is that a dick in a sweater?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
