i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
