all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
