Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
