So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
