with your own penis?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Of course I have a pirate flag
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
