Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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