I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
