He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
