My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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