There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
