the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
