she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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