why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
