ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
