I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
