How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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