I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
