How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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