mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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