He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
