i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
