Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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