Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
