umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
