I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
