Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
