U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
