we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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