i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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