just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
