Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
