don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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