remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
