i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
